Common Ground

I’ve been pretty quiet on here lately, but out there in the real world I’ve been doing a lot of work. I’ve been doing literal work at a new job, and part of my silence is definitely about taking the time to settle in there, adjusting to all of the demands and practicalities that come with working in an office in a public-facing job. I’ve also been continuing to pay attention to the social discourses going on, doing my best to learn and hear. Much of what I hear is not necessarily new, so my work at the moment is internalizing and learning how to bring action to knowledge in a constructive and (personally) sustainable way. Also, sleeping enough.

I’m making progress. My new job is a very significant departure from my previous line of work, but it integrates many of my best skills and I’m finding it really satisfying and uplifting. So even though I have some new stresses on my time, even though I’m having to carve out little moments to exercise and get outside, I’m overall in a really good place. In short, many of the things that were missing from my life when I was working before are with me. I still have capacity to seek out changes in the world, to find my voice and my place.

This past summer, my family and I got out to state parks more than we ever have. In the past, my husband and I were more likely to go for long runs on remote trails, sometimes with friends, but to places where there aren’t that many people. Most people hike or backpack to those areas, and we could get far enough running that we regularly got to places with very few other people around. And I loved that. But with a toddler, that’s not very realistic at the moment. Plus we’ve been SUPing and picnicking. In Colorado there isn’t much water, so we end up in places with a lot of other people. One thing I’ve been thinking about is the diversity of people who go to these places.

Over Labor Day weekend we went to a popular lake with a large camping ground and a lot of fishing. The campgrounds were all full, tons of people were out on boats, fishing, and walking around the lake. I saw a lot of signs of political diversity, and it got me thinking about how much we have the outdoors in common. All types of people like to get outside into the woods to do different kinds of things, and we often do them near each other. It’s a good example of us having more in common than not: we may do different things (there weren’t many others running that trail, though I wasn’t completely alone), but we all want to enjoy the same beauty and peace.

And I see that same reality now that it’s winter. We live near a ski resort and there is actually quite a lot more cultural, ethnic, and yes political diversity than one might initially expect. So here we are, this melting pot of people who to be outside in the dead of winter, many ski or snowboard, but many also walk, snowshoe, shop, or attend outdoor events like concerts. Whatever your tastes, there is something here, and we are all out there together.

And in this time of Covid, we must also take care of each other in a new kind of way. Not everyone does it willingly or joyfully, but the vast majority of the people out there do actually follow the rules, and it is working. My community has been lucky enough to experience fewer cases and deaths relative even to nearby, similar towns. There are likely many, many reasons for that, but the truth of it, too, gives me hope.

We certainly have work to do as a nation and as communities. If we are to find more harmony and common ground, we’ve got a long way to go before that dream is a reality worth truly celebrating. But I think that, in order to get there, we need to stop focusing so much on our differences: it does nothing but magnify the divides and center the discourse on our differences. But if you think about it, the vast majority of experiences in our daily lives are about our similarities and living side-by-side peacefully. We do not have to agree to walk next to each other in good faith, we need to learn to do this more globally.

I learned in my earlier career that finding the common benefit in a sticky situation is the best way to continue moving toward a solution, even when there are major and possibly un-passable road-blocks separating the parties involved. But more often than not we can find at least one path that has a mutually beneficial outcome. By focusing on that benefit and that path, we can stop focusing on the differences – perhaps forget them altogether – and move ahead together. No one will be 100% happy with this path, it is by definition a compromise, but when it is the only road that leads to progress, it is, in fact, the perfect path at that time. And by providing an option that takes the focus away from disagreement, everyone is left feeling happier and often proud that they were able to find a way through the challenge together.

Our constant focus on jumping ahead, on being the best, or the most right holds us back. It leads to backlash and anger because it perpetually focuses the discussion on issues that we cannot resolve. It struck me a while ago that many of our stickiest issues are exacerbated by engaging in a discussion of the “wrong” topics. When we focus on the disagreement and give voice to the conflict, we take the discussion away from actionable issues. If we could focus our discussions on how real-world problems (extreme climate events, racial and social disparities), we could avoid a lot of blame and heartache and simply move forward together.

So let’s change our focus. Let’s start with what we all like and can agree on. Everyone likes trees. Right? I mean, what’s not to like. Let’s start from a place of commonality, and step from that stone to the next piece of common ground, until we suddenly find ourselves on the other side of the divide, where there is enough wide-open space for us all to exist together on common ground.